I hope this will affect my process positively. In other words, I hope my Chair is replaced by someone who will actually show up, be committed, and give me timely feedback. Actually, at this point, any feedback at all would send me into a tearful frenzy of gratitude.
I've stopped filling out the post-course surveys. As soon as I finished all my course work and embarked upon the research phase, I realized that I would quite likely encounter some of these mentors again. And that has been the case. I am not stupid. If I rate my academic experience honestly, and describe my disappointments in detail, that information will eventually be shared with the mentors. It won't be difficult for them to identify which malcontent submitted such eloquently negative feedback, thus jeopardizing any harmonious working relationship I might have had with them if they should end up appointed to my dissertation committee.
Students at the college where I am employed are asked each term to fill out evaluation forms to rate their instructors, courses, and the school overall. When I was a new adjunct, lo, these many (eight) years ago, I remember I was given the results of some student evaluations before the end of the term. I was appalled. I knew the evaluations weren't going to be complimentary, but that isn't why I was shocked. The point is that they were given to me before the end of the term, before I turned in grades, while I was in a position to retaliate against the students that gave me negative feedback. This class was divided into two armed camps: the students who loved me and the ones who wanted to lynch me. I could have really let them have it.
For a brief moment I considered what I could do to punish those students who dared to write negative feedback about me. Give them extra writing assignments, make them give an oral report, or just knock ten points off the top, whoops, too bad you didn't do so well on that last test. Then I thought, wait, what a gift. When I took off my angry teacher hat and put on my marketing hat, I realized I had been given a golden opportunity—or as we say in higher education, I had encountered a teaching moment. First of all, those students were a mirror for me, reflecting back what they thought I did well and what I needed to improve. That's valuable information that can help me learn and grow. Any serious student of marketing knows the value of customer feedback. Second, I was being given a chance to connect with them, person to person, to build a genuine connection, even with the ones who hated me.
And that is what I did. I stood in front of the class, told them I had received their feedback, and thanked them for being honest. Then I told them never to do it again.
"I know who wrote what," I said. "I know your writing style, I recognize your voices. You have given me power over you now. I can make your lives a living hell for the rest of the term."
They stared at me, round-eyed. A few guilty ones quickly looked away.
"I'm not going to do anything with this information except try to do a better job." I said. "But you all need to protect yourselves. If this school has a habit of giving the evaluation results to instructors before the grades are in, then you place yourself in a position of danger. Normally I say tell the truth, give honest feedback. But this time, I say, don't."
We made it through the term. I don't recall that I flunked anyone, and I didn't get fired. In fact, I got hired on full-time.
At an in-service some time later, I asked why I had been given evaluation results before the end of the term. That question, and others like it, have never been satisfactorily answered. Over the years I have come to realize that the institution I work for is as dysfunctional as any mom and pop business can be, run by pompous ignoramuses masquerading as educators and administrators. The fact that I've been "sent to committee" means I am one step closer to joining their ranks. Tra-la-la. I can hardly wait.
