The chronic malcontent points out some landmarks on our trip to hell

A few days ago, as I was scrubbing just the white squares on my black-and-white checkerboard linoleum kitchen floor, I pondered the possibility that we are past the point of no return on our trip to hell, and the hand-basket seems to be crumbling around us. The journalists and reporters are not reassuring. The earth may have reached a tipping point as the climate changes, not good for us little humans scurrying around on the planet's surface. Democracy has sprung a billion leaks and threatens to founder as possibly the least bad form of government. A few days ago my car wouldn't start. I mean, all the signs seem to indicate we are on a one-way trip to hell in a hand-basket.

So, what if everything really is falling apart? Like any journey, I suppose the trip to hell will happen in several stages. Here is my guess about what the stages might look like, if you are a crazy wackjob like me.

It wasn't my fault. When something goes wrong, the first thought is, well, whatever it is, it wasn't my fault. Like mistakes were made (but not by me). Pass the buck, avoid responsibility, hide under the rock, don't admit there's dirty laundry. Pretend like I wasn't even there. That sometimes works for awhile.

Who can I blame? The next stage starts with admitting I was there, but it was someone else's fault. I'm just a hapless victim, those lousy liberals or those confounded conservatives are really to blame. Or how about those people who don't look like me, they look suspicious, with their unsettling voices and funny skin. It must be their fault!

Let me at 'em! Now that I've identified the source of my troubles, I'm one breath closer to wanting to beat the crap out of them. Or at least deny them any civility and respect. Let me take away their rights or something, keep them from being happy and healthy. That will make me feel a lot better. That's all they deserve, anyway, those people who have the gall to be different from me. They are lucky I let them live. If you want to join me, we can beat them up together. Nothing like being part of a mob to make one feel empowered and righteous, am I right?

I've got mine and you can't have any. As soon as we've trashed the other, you and I will start to eyeball each other and realize, the more you have, the less there is for me. So, no, we can't be friends. We teamed up when we had to, but now that the threat is gone, I'm building a wall. A really yuge wall.

I'm bigger than you, so give me all yours. And now that I'm safe behind my wall, and I've hoarded a bunch of stuff to make me feel wealthy and worthwhile, I realize I don't have enough, I need all your stuff, too. Plus, because I'm bigger and badder, I deserve to have more stuff. Your stuff. All the stuff. So give it to me. If you don't, I'll take it. Because I can. Don't whine.

At this point, the path forks into two options: urgency or resignation.

Option 1: I don't care about you, I've got to survive. Get out of my way! I don't care what you say, I don't care what you feel, I don't care if your children are shoeless or the planet is dying. You mean nothing to me. The future of your grandchildren means nothing to me. The only thing that matters is my survival, right now, in this moment. At this point, hell is just around the corner, but of course, I can't see it.

Option 2: I don't care what happens anymore, what's the use. If I get to this point, I've accepted my fate. I can see hell ahead of me, clear as day. I resign myself to the vagaries of the universe. I realize there is no meaning or purpose to existence, that the whole thing was just a stupid, futile dream. You can have my things. I'm giving up.

Yikes! After writing this, I have a knot in my stomach not unlike the knot I feel when I've watched the news for the past four weeks. I'm making up the stages of a journey that seems all too real. I can't get my tiny brain to accept the events and statements I see and hear daily. (And I can't stop compulsively watching and listening! Argh!)

Part of me thinks, wow, I should have been a journalist! This new world is a journalist's paradise. Another part of me thinks, isn't that a bit like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic? Nero fiddling while Rome burns? Waving my hands like I'm on Space Mountain while I'm going to hell in a hand-basket? Even journalists will go down with the ship, busily commentating as we sink beneath the waves.