July 21, 2019

Eighty thousand words in thirty days

Next Saturday is my mother's ninetieth birthday. Family is coming. The weather should be good. Not hot, not humid. (I feel for my sister, who is sweltering in Boston right now.) We don't have anything big planned. Mom can't handle a crowd. One balloon, one bunch of flowers, one cupcake, one candle. One or two people at a time. We don't want to disrupt her routine, which is all she has left, besides her television.

M.A.S.H. isn't on on Saturdays so we typically switch between Fixer Upper and the Three Stooges. She laughs at Curly, Moe, and Larry. She can't understand the plots but she understands the slaps, pokes, and punches. If my two brothers come to visit, we can all sit on the couch and marvel at the violence we kids grew up on. No wonder my older brother felt motivated to break my nose once in a while.

On the maternal parental unit front, Mom continues to deteriorate. It's a slow crumbling of mind and body. She's still talking, but not as well. She's still walking, but with more difficulty. She's not walking me to the back door anymore, but she's still walking herself to meals. Sometimes (they tell me), she has to interrupt her meal to hightail it back to her bathroom. Hightailing happens in slow motion, which means she often needs some clean-up assistance before she can come back to dinner. It's chronic and exhausting.

Speaking of clean-up, I'm cleaning the Love Shack. This endeavor happens only once a year when I have visitors (my sister). Today, I vacuumed the two lime green shag rugs in my front room. That shag really stands up and salutes when I run the vacuum cleaner over it. My sneezing fit has subsided, thanks for asking. I moved the cat litter box and scrubbed the bathroom floor. Within minutes after cleaning the box, the cat went in. When he came out, there was once again litter all over the floor. I washed a load of towels and cotton scatter rugs, scrubbed part of the kitchen floor (the white squares), and hunted down tumbleweeds (cat hair, dust, and detritus that coalesce into floating allergy bombs). My sister arrives tomorrow. I'm not ready.

I could have started cleaning sooner. However, as you might remember, I've been doing my own personal NANOWRIMO. I gave myself a timeline of thirty days. My goal was to write a 50,000-word novel. When I committed to doing this insane task, I estimated I would have to write 2,000 words per day. Yesterday was the thirtieth day. Today, I laid down my pen, metaphorically speaking. I don't actually write with a pen anymore. I used to when I was a kid, or pencil, too. I didn't care, as long as I could write. Anyway, I digress.

I'm pleased to report the results of my personal month of self-inflicted torture. Counting the chapter headings, a short blurb, and the title, I just barely exceeded 80,000 words. I now have a first draft of my novel. I wrote an average of 2,760 words per day. During the thirty days, I cooked, ate, slept, did my grocery shopping, visited my mother daily, and attended my weekly meetings, and in between, I wrote. I did bathe a few times, too, in case you were wondering, and I'm sure I did some laundry, although I have no recollection. I immersed myself in a world of fictional characters who now seem more real to me than many people I meet in real life.

It was the best thirty days I can remember. Better than ice cream. Better than sunshine. The best.

I don't know where it goes from here, but if I die tomorrow, I will die satisfied.


July 03, 2019

Happy Independence Day, if you can stand it

Happy Independence Day, blogbots. I hope your Fourth of July celebration is . . . celebratory. If that is what floats your boat. Laser shows, fireworks, rumbling tanks, sloppy BBQ ribs dripping with carcinogenic sauce . . . whatever works for you. May you enjoy your day. My little leaky boat is floated by peace, quiet, and solitude. I will be hunkered down in the Love Shack, helping my cat ride out the artillery barrage that will begin at dusk. To each her own.

My schedule for tomorrow is unusually busy. I have two entire things planned. I don't know how I will manage. In the morning, I plan to Wire with my sister, who is stateside in Boston. In the evening, I will visit my maternal parental unit, as I do daily at 6:15 pm. After that I would like to bury myself in the bathtub, but I have a self-imposed obligation to write 2,000 words per day. What's that, you say? Thanks for asking.

For the past couple weeks, I have been torturing myself with my own personal NANOWRIMO commitment. If you don't what that is, no fear. It stands for National Novel Writing Month. Officially, it happens every November. I tried it once, a few years ago. I did not reach the word count goal of 50,000. I am still working on that book; it's the book of blog posts about my mother. Unfinished. You are reading one more chapter right now. How cool is that.

In Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert wrote, “When an idea thinks it has found somebody—say, you—who might be able to bring it into the world, the idea will pay you a visit. . . . This idea will not leave you alone until it has your fullest attention. And then, in a quiet moment, it will ask, ‘Do you want to work with me?’” (pp. 35-36).

An idea came to me in a dream. I had a choice: say yes or say no. I chose yes. Sorry, I can't tell you what it is about. I can tell you it is a novel. That is all I will say.

My self-imposed commitment is to write (at least) 50,000 words before my sister arrives on July 22. To achieve that goal, I have to write at least 2,000 words per day. I've been writing almost every day for two weeks. Today is Day 14. I have 28,000 words.  I will add, there's not much magic involved in flogging oneself to write 2,000 words per day. This is a classic case of stop whining and just do it.

I work better when the temperature is at least 80°F. It's 71°F and overcast. The sky is gray and gloomy. It's cold in the Love Shack, but I refuse to drag out the space heater. It's July, for garsh sake. Two days ago, we had a tornado a few miles away. Just a little bitty EF0, lasted only six minutes, only managed to go a mile. Tore up a bunch of trees and power lines. How endearing. Summer in Portland officially starts July 5. It can't get here soon enough. I'm so ready to be warm.

When I came strolling down the hall at the retirement place, Mom was still in the dining room, sitting alone at her table. I went in to see what was going on. She said she was late getting out of dinner because she had to run for the bathroom. I use the word run loosely. More like, shuffle along with the walker, squeezing her butt cheeks as she goes. Unsuccessfully, apparently. Luckily, a staff member was there to help clean her up and get her back to the dining room to finish her dinner. Everyone was sympathetic. The Med Aide patted her shoulder when she brought her a little cup of pills.

We watched Property Brothers. I made snide comments about people spending $1.2 million on a house. Mom said she didn't know what was going on. I get the feeling she loses a few more brain cells every time she gets stuck in the bathroom and can't figure out how to leave. Every day I shudder through about five minutes of hell, knowing for certain that I am going to end up just like her, but minus the helpful daughter.

She hasn't walked me to the back door at all this week. I left her sitting on the couch, watching MASH. Tomorrow is my sixteenth anniversary of moving to the Love Shack, the beginning of my personal independence. I dread the day I lose it and so I try to cherish every drop.