Despite the gloomy fact that it is pouring rain outside, and despite the equally gloomy fact that the pouring rain feels completely normal to me even after over three months of glorious sunshine, I have some good news to report. Some. Not a whole lot, but then, what would it take to make the chronic malcontent truly happy? I really can't say. Anyway, my chairperson gave me some good feedback on my concept paper. That was the good news. The bad news—you knew that had to be coming, didn't you—is that apparently my dissertation committee is AWOL. My chairperson said the “issue” is being addressed. I have no idea who the committee members are, so I cannot help to track them down and wrangle them back into the fold, as it were. So, as gratifying as it is to get some good feedback from my chairperson, the comments from the anonymous AWOL committee are still hanging out there. I fear any one of them has the power to quash my concept and send me back to the drawing board.
My sister admonished me to find out who the committee members are. She said at the doctoral level, there should be no veil of secrecy, no cloak of anonymity. We are colleagues, practically. It's unprofessional to claim the role of anonymous reviewer, when one's job is to support and mentor the doctoral candidate. Based on my sister's admonishment, I think I will ask my chairperson if she will reveal the names of the committee members.
In the meantime, I will make the changes the chairperson has suggested. Progress of sorts. This dissertation course ends in a couple weeks. If the past procedure holds, I will be granted a two week hiatus, call it a vacation, before the next course begins. I am now officially into extension territory. In December of 2005 when I started this ridiculous endeavor, I anticipated that I would be finished—phinished!—by the end of October 2012. Now, almost seven years later, I'm so tired of the process I don't have the energy to muster an increased sense of disappointment. I'm already at max disappointment. But who cares. When you get on the Ph.D. ride, you are on it for the duration, no matter how long it takes, no matter how many times your concept is rejected by nameless, faceless mentors who after rejecting your concept drag up and disappear.
It's ok, really. I'm disappointed, but I'm not angry. If I could do it over, I'd probably choose something else, but it hasn't been wasted time and money. I've learned a lot about a lot of things, including myself. Priceless.
