Time to put on my thinking cap

I got the news yesterday. I'm sad to report my concept paper is not ready for prime time. Yet. I hope there's a yet trailing along somewhere in this journey. My chairperson, we'll call her Dr. C for Cruella de Ville, politely smacked my pathetic concept aside, saying I hadn't yet provided a clear line between the problem, the purpose, and the research question. And where the heck is my explicit contribution to theory?

Well, I beg your pardon! After my righteous indignation passed, I calmed down. It's too soon to panic. This is only the second iteration, and it was a complete overhaul from the first submission. It would have been akin to winning the lottery to have it approved as is. 

And it could be worse. My first submission was sent to the Graduate School way before it was ready, courtesy of my flakey previous chair, using up one of my three chances. No chance of that happening this time around. I've got a methodologist hacking my paper to shreds, and I can tell by her polite comments that she is capable of ruthlessness. Hey, I'm a teacher. I can see through thinly veiled comments to the seething impatience below. Like, come on, already, you... you student, you. 


I can look on the bright side, at least for a nanosecond. It is reassuring to know without a doubt Dr. C is actually reading my work—thoroughly. I feel like I've had a colonoscopy, that is how thoroughly. It is embarrassing to realize I have exposed my sloppy thinking to the person who has the power to flunk me. I'd rather display my high-water pants, my granny panties, my mismatched socks, my increasingly luxuriant mustache... anything but reveal my feeble reasoning skills and sloppy wordcraft. Hey, in my defense, behind every writer there is a great editor, right? I don't have anyone but my brain helping me, and on a good day my brain is trying to kill me. It's a wonder I made it this far. Yeah, way to look on the bright side.

I thought I had largely shed my student persona after passing comps, but it appears when I lack conviction, I revert to paddling about in the kiddie pool. If I want to swim in the deep end with the big kids, I'm going to have to put on my svelte waterproof thinking cap. Wait, I thought I already did that. Hmmmm. Well, maybe I need to go down to the hat boutique and get a smarter chapeau, because the one I have is obviously leaking. 


Back in a moment.