During the late 1990s and early 2000s I was enamored with self-help books targeted at creative people who were having trouble expressing their creativity. You've probably heard of
The Artists Way by Julia Cameron, the classic tome for wannabe visual artists and writers. Another good one is
Finding Your North Star by Martha Beck. And don't forget the self-help veteran Barbara Sher, author of
Wishcraft, I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was, and many other books.
I was a big fan, I admit. I even did some of the writing assignments. (I hear it works better if you actually do the work.) One of the assignments I recall was to write a list of all the things I was grateful for. Back in 2001, I scratched out a list of "blessings": grateful for my cat, for my car, for my teeth, for the fact that only 1,000 feet above the clouds overhead is clear blue sky. I dredged deep. Well, I tried. The ostensible purpose of a gratitude list is to thwart the self-centered ego by focusing on the positives rather than the negatives. My self-centered ego at that time was big as all outdoors, and I was fully invested in the negative.
I guess I still am. I've done a few gratitude lists in my time. It never worked for me, but I didn't know why until I read one sentence by Barbara Sher in her I Can Do Anything book: "Happy people don't need to make lists." Hmmmm. That claim has interesting implications. First, I'm obviously not happy. Duh. Second, making a gratitude list does not necessarily lead to happiness. Third, happy people are too busy living life to make gratitude lists. Four, only cranky, malcontented people believe making a list will lead to happiness. And finally, happiness precedes gratitude. Acting as if I'm grateful is sort of like
holding a pencil between my teeth to make it seem like I am smiling. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't. If I really wanted to be happy I would try it. Nuff said.
Apparently there is actually a
science of gratitude. Who knew. In perusing the Web, I came across a suggestion left by a commenter named Alice: "Pray without seizing." I think she meant "ceasing." It made me laugh, though. For just a moment, half a second, wow—I felt grateful. For what I am not sure. But it felt good.
