In theory, when my life is free of conflict, there shouldn't be much to write about. Maybe today is one of those days. I haven't had any arguments, nobody has upset me, I don't think I've upset anyone else (no more than usual, anyway), and mostly everything is going well for me. It seems odd that my perception of how my own life is going is so different from my perception of how life on the planet is going, as if I'm standing on some other planet observing the ongoing implosion of human civilization. It's kind of sad that humans feel compelled to take everything down with us, but nothing is really precious if everything is precious. Stardust comes and goes.
Sometimes writing about something helps me understand it, but in this case, the conundrum of why humans seem to hate each other so much is beyond my comprehension. I don't have the energy to try to figure it out. I definitely don't have the energy to hate anyone, no matter how much I might find reasons to do it. I just don't care that much, I guess.
Maybe this is despondency. Maybe it's denial. Maybe I've finally reached the Zen-like state of detachment from ambition and greed that my mother achieved through dementia. Hm. Maybe this is dementia.
I thought I had a blog topic for today, but I didn't write it down, so of course, I lost it. My ability to remember things fails more than half the time now. I sometimes feel resentful when I hear about people twenty years older than me whose minds are "sharp as a tack." That's the phrase I usually hear. A failing memory is not entirely bad. I've already forgotten my resentment. I don't have the energy to berate myself for my failures. I think I've finally reached the Zen-like state of detachment from . . . wait, did I already say that?
How do you cope with uncertainty? Do you tell yourself it doesn't matter if you don't know what is going to happen, you can't control it anyway? Do you imagine you are an empty boat on the river of life, going with the flow with faith and trust that everything is unfolding as it should?
Yeah, me neither.
Usually, it feels better to say, I knew this was going to happen . . the fatalist's view. Or, how bad could it be? Maybe it won't be as bad as I fear. That's as close to Little Mary Sunshine as I can get. Or, my favorite (Debby Downer): Who cares, it doesn't matter, we're all going to die.
The universe survived just fine before I existed, and it will go on without me.
I don't like to think of all the suffering that will most likely be coming over the next few years. Knowing humans' ability to whitewash, gaslight, ignore, and avoid, no matter how bad things get socially, environmentally, financially . . . some of us will always be ready to point the finger at someone else and say, it's all your fault. Some of us can't accept that we might be at fault. The pain of admitting our wrongs is worse than the pain of watching everything fall apart.
So, here's what I believe.
- All borders separating nations should be abolished.
- All white people should undergo mandatory abortions.
- People who make a lot of money should be taxed at a higher rate, and the funds should be distributed to lower income people and used to provide infrastructure, safety nets, and services that benefit everyone.
- The climate crisis should be treated as an existential threat.
- Everyone deserves adequate healthcare, food, and shelter, no matter who they are or where they live.
- Kids should learn civics in school.
- The moment they invent a vaccine for stupid, we should all be forced to get it, whether we want it or not.
Don't hold me to any of this. I won't remember it tomorrow.
