Updated February 4, 2014I defended my dissertation on December 9, 2013. All that work—studying, planning, proposing, interviewing, analyzing, writing, thinking, writing—all that work culminated in a half-hour presentation, which was over before I had time to stop shaking. My proctor witnessed the event. My committee congratulated me and called me Doctor. After that it was just paperwork, and it happened really fast. I guess it's like being born (although I don't remember that particular day). Nine months in the womb (or in the case of this doctorate, eight years), and then in a few days, whoosh, I was matriculated into the world. Slap on the butt, happy trails!
Today I received the official email from the institution notifying me that my graduation is now complete and that I will be receiving my Ph.D. diploma in a few weeks. I hope they spell my name right.
For those of you who may be wondering, Is it worth it? all I can say is, it depends on what you want. You are possibly younger than me. You have some years ahead of you to make a career with your doctorate. Me, I kept going because somewhere along the way, I stopped being a quitter. I grabbed the bone in my teeth, hunkered down, and didn't let go until the bone was mine. I don't know what I'm going to do with the darn bone now, but that's another blog post, I guess.
If I could go back in time to 2005 Carol, I think I would try to talk her out of signing up for the Ph.D. program. There were so many things I didn't know then that I know now, about online education, for-profit higher education, and the marketplace for professors. I don't regret my choice, but if I could have a do-over, I would make a different choice: different university, different learning style, different goal. Still, here I am, standing at a crossroads with a Ph.D. under my belt. It's one more tool in my toolkit, and whether I use it or simply throw darts at my diploma, the education is mine and no one can take it away from me. I'm stronger for having persisted. I'm wiser for having learned. Maybe I'll be more discerning in the future about where I place my time and treasure.
No regrets.
Read below for some excerpts culled from "Welcome to Dissertation Hell: A (hilarious) handbook for doctoral students," published in May 2014 as an ebook.
All the best!
—Dr. B.
January 23, 2012
Today is the first day of my first official dissertation "course," the 12-week period in which I am expected to revise my concept paper and write the dissertation proposal. I logged on to the university website, entered the course room, and clicked the little button that gives the school permission to deduct $2,380 from my bank account. I took a breath and said a prayer before I clicked it. Only for a brief moment did I contemplate the thought of not clicking it. Dissertation hell, here I come.
December 17, 2012
Good news. A small milestone has been reached. My concept paper, thrashed into submission, has apparently received thumbs up from my faceless nameless dissertation committee. My dissertation chairperson emailed me today to say she has sent my concept paper to the Graduate School reviewers. This is not a formality. This is serious. They have the power to kick me out of the program, send me home empty-handed, no consolation prize after seven years and $45,000. I can't worry about any of that. I hope it is approved, because I'm embarrassed to admit, I'm really sick of this leg of this endless journey.
March 31, 2013
Good news (at least to some, not sure who exactly, maybe just my mother). I just uploaded the massively wretched tome, the first draft of my dissertation proposal, all 172 pages (counting front matter, references, and appendices). The courseroom swallowed it with a slightly longer than normal gulp, and now it's there, posted in cyberspace, visible evidence of my willingness to take the next step in the process of earning this doctoral degree. I'm not sure what I pictured these days would be like, way back in 2005 when I first started this endeavor. I think my original goal was to teach online in an adobe hut in the desert. And to be a more valuable employee to my career college employer. Foolish girl, you say? Well, life was simpler back then, when I was naive and uninformed.
October 7, 2013
I'm waiting for comments on my first draft of my dissertation manuscript from my Chair and the nameless, faceless committee. As I wait, I'm noticing how my mind is trying to kill me. For example, my mind has convinced me that my document has developed a plague of typos, grammar errors, and formatting problems. When I uploaded it, it was clean, sparkling, shiny, as close to perfect as a first draft ever gets. Two days later, it had lost some of its luster. Four days later, it is shredding around the edges, tattered and stained. Every day I wait, my mind brainwashes away my enthusiasm and hope. Now I am starting to believe the paper will never pass muster. What was I thinking? Yada yada yada.
November 25, 2013
I'm becoming a master at waiting. Over the past six months, I've had a lot of practice, what with the starts and stops of the dissertation process. Collect some data, then wait. Collect a little more data, fret, fume, and wait. Submit a draft, and wait. Submit another draft, and then wait some more. Then suddenly... approval! A fleeting moment of triumph and relief. Then schedule the oral defense, and wait. That's where we are now, waiting for the oral defense. Last I heard, it was on for December 9.
